March Hotness 2010: The Dan Bracket

1.

Jessica Rabbit – The envy of Toontown.  This redheaded bombshell makes the 1 seed in the Dan bracket not just because she’s extremely hot, seducing both toon and human, but that fact that she’s attainable.  Yes that’s right.  Look at the men she goes for!  A rabbit with a great sense of humor and fat Bob Hoskins.  Hot chick with low expectations that likes personality….winner.

vs. 

16.

Jem – Truly, truly outrageous….in BED!!! Am I right fellas?  Glam rock chicks are always pretty hot for the most part.  But it’s the fact that I’m sure she goes both ways that the 80’s pop icon is making on the list.  (Fuck off, Josie and the Pussycats)

2.

Baroness – The only vagina in the Cobra organization worth mentioning (Pythona doesn’t count and Zarana’s got swamp pussy).  Baroness paved the way for chicks with glasses everywhere with her tight black leather and her willingness to topple the capitalist system.

vs.

15.

Evil-Lyn – Just for the record, I love bad girls.  Who doesn’t?  This chick can rock the bone armor and handles that staff in the sexiest way possible.

3.

Jean Grey – Be still my beating heart.  The X-babe that’s been lighting up men’s loins with phoenix fire.  She’s into freaks and short, hairy guys….so me and Crazy Dave still have a chance.

vs.

14.

Black Cat – The comic book character that helped me through puberty.  Imagine Catwoman….WITH TITS OUT TO HERE!

4.

White Queen – Miss Emma Frost comes into the #4 seed with her magnificently drawn body and her absolute hatred for wearing clothes.  There’s nothing more attractive than a cold-hearted woman with wit as sharp as tacks.

vs.

13.

Cheetara – Half Woman, Half Cat…..ALL SEXY!

5.

Catwoman – The woman that’s been giving Bat-Boners since 1941.  Tight black leather, skilled with a whip and purrs at you.  Need I say more?

vs.

12.

Sonya Blade – Her kiss can light you on fire and she doesn’t have the Herp!  Blondes that can do summersaults and snap your neck with her thighs will always have a place on this list.

6.

Olivia Munn – The only real person to grace the Dan bracket.  Hot chick that’s into video games, comic books and dressing up like the #2 seed when it suits her.  A geek’s wet dream.

vs.

11.

Red Sonja – If you haven’t noticed by now, I’ve got a thing for redheads.  The difference with this one and all the others though, is the chainmail bikini, two-handed sword and the ability to kill you without a thought.  The legend is that Sonja won’t lie with a man unless he bests her in the combat.   Who knew virgin frustration could be channeled like that?

7.

Princess Zelda – Link.  He come to town.  Come to save, the Princess Zelda.  And who wouldn’t?  Only a chick this hot could force a man to run through that many lava pits and elemental temples.  Excuuuuuuuse me, Princess!

vs.

10.

Scarlett – Now this is a chick with class and a dirty side.  She goes back and forth between two GI Joes constantly, but that doesn’t mean she’s lowered her standards.  Duke and Snake Eyes – if you’re going to be a GI Slut, you might as well go for the big guns. (Sorry Lady Jaye, shouldn’t have had at orgy with Jinx, Bazooka, Alpine and Dusty)

8.

Chun Li – Thighs for days.  The day we gamers discovered Chun Li was the greatest day of our lives.  For Bison?  It was Tuesday.

vs.

9.

Wonder Woman – Boobs.  Lasso.  Legs.  The American Way never looked so good. (Sorry, FDR)

Comments

[Ryan]

I thought we were going to have some Hanna Barberra match ups.